The blessing of a sunrise

A month ago last Tuesday, my husband and I found out that we had lost our precious baby. I was supposed to be 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant. The doctor was not able to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler and at that point I felt the pang in my heart that something was wrong. We then went in to the ultrasound room and the ultrasound tech was not able to find the heartbeat, although she did not give us any information other than the fact that our baby was measuring smaller than expected. I instantly knew that something was wrong. We then met with the doctor and she affirmed my fears. But for some reason I just could not accept it. I asked for another ultrasound to affirm that our baby was gone. The doctor felt that it was best for me to have a D&C. I did the next day. The loss of our precious baby was heart wrenching and something that I pray we never have to go through again. The weeks following the miscarriage were very difficult but I finally feel like myself again and I am ready to continue our story and life together. God has so much in store for our little family and now we have a precious angel watching over us as we continue our journey. The letter below has given me so much strength and I wanted to share it. I have included a picture of a gorgeous sunrise because to me the sunrise represents a new beginning and new day.

In this time of loss I call upon my spirit within to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion. I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing.

During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my inner spirit but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort. I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attention to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely.

I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence. In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing.

Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly.

Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me.

Let me find healing in the belief that this soul knew my love for it and that love helped it to pass to another place.

Let me honor this short life not only with my love but in finding meaning in its existence. Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who’ve experienced loss.

Let a part of this soul be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know it through them.

I will listen to and trust the place in my deepest heart that tells me I will once again be reunited with this soul and will fulfill the need to hold it in my arms.

I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there is a star in [the sky] that belongs to me.

by Stacey Dinner-Levin

Found here.